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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29016555">You Can't Call It Flirting If I'm Drunk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stoatwrote/pseuds/stoatwrote'>stoatwrote</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drunken Flirting, First Kiss, M/M, Short One Shot, cw emetophobia, honestly it's so short I don't know what to tag it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:20:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29016555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stoatwrote/pseuds/stoatwrote</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not just tonight that the cook has sought him out to harass him. Even the slightest sip of alcohol passes his lips and suddenly he acts like Zoro is a human couch he can lay all over. And while each evening feels a little bit like the next in a long series of escalations, tonight the cook is outdoing himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>216</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Can't Call It Flirting If I'm Drunk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey folks it's been a bit! I've got a couple other long fics in the works but I was gripped by the spirit of writing to do something about this <a href="https://twitter.com/Honyarara00/status/1354191023677661184?s=20l">very cute art on twitter.</a><br/>Content warning for non-detailed references to throwing up.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Zoro is enduring. That’s the only word for it. He’s got a drunk swirly-browed cook hanging off of him and it is both incredible and the worst fucking thing. He’d almost rather get cut down by Mihawk again. Almost.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is bullshit, and he’s enduring, because Sanji is not into him. Sanji’s not even paying attention to him, not really. Sure he’s wrapped around Zoro’s neck and resting his weight on him like he forgot his sea legs, but he’s drunkenly laughing at Luffy and Usopp’s shenanigans with their new crewmate Chopper. Nami and Vivi are watching too, drinking and mostly occupied by each other. Vivi is still stressed over the news she's received about her country. Sanji's warm along Zoro’s back, especially with the chill still in the air from Drum Island. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zoro sighs, takes another swig of his beer, trying to avoid hitting Sanji’s head with his own as he leans back to get the last dregs. They don’t collide but it brings their heads almost level and Sanji nudges closer, almost rubbing their cheeks together like a damned cat. Sure, the cook gets touchy when he’s had too much, but this feels like a whole other level. Usually he’ll flop over Zoro if they’re already close, using drunken fatigue as an excuse to rest his head on his shoulder. Maybe lean into his space more than usual. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They never talk about it in the morning. Zoro doesn’t even know if Sanji remembers. They also don’t talk about how Zoro is definitely the one who holds Sanji’s hair back as he rids himself of the night’s revelry, wrong way up. Sanji always drinks too much and it’s Zoro who for some reason has to deal with him chucking it up hours later. Well, it’s not ‘some reason.’  Zoro knows why it’s him.Tonight will probably be no different. He’ll let Sanji hang off him, take care of him later, and swallow his feelings along with his booze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not just tonight that the cook has sought him out to harass him. Even the slightest sip of alcohol passes his lips and suddenly he acts like Zoro is a human couch he can lay all over. And while each evening feels a little bit like the next in a long series of escalations, tonight the cook is outdoing himself. He knows the cook isn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> much of a lightweight. No one is. In fact, the cook isn’t even a lightweight, he just downs booze faster than his liver can process it. Unlike Zoro, who savors it like it deserves. Unless it’s cheap beer which is what they have right now and most days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zoro grabs another bottle within reach and turns to rest his back against the table, putting his feet in the bottom rung of his stool. He had hoped the movement would snap the cook out of it, but instead, he’s just kind of loosely held on and is now leaning against Zoro’s shoulder. Probably not especially comfortable. Zoro feels him shift, prepared to catch him if he falls. But, drunk as he is, the cook’s still a graceful bastard and he is suddenly </span>
  <em>
    <span>straddling Zoro’s lap. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It must be what everyone else is thinking too because the party around them has gone silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone wolf whistles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quit it.” Zoro growls. “You’ll regret this in the morning.” He puts his hands on Sanji’s hips, ready to shove him off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why, shitty swordsman,” Sanji’s arms have snaked around Zoro’s neck. He’s leaning in, the scent of alcohol on his breath. He presses in to whisper in Zoro’s ear, “Cause you won’t do anything?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zoro resolutely does not react. He refuses to give the bastard material for making fun of him. Not with this. If it were purely attraction he could brush it off. But not this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want me to do anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who says? Maybe I do. Maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll</span>
  </em>
  <span> do something.” His lips touch Zoro’s ear when he speaks, his breath disturbing the three earrings hanging from it. Sanji shuffles closer, his chest touching Zoro’s, thighs gripping his waist. Zoro’s heart trips into overdrive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t.” Zoro shakes his head shallowly, swallows. “You don’t and you never will, so don’t do this to me.” He says the last part only loud enough for Sanji to hear. He feels him tense in response. Zoro realizes his own hands are clutching at Sanji’s hips like he’s a lifeline. He loosens his grip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A pause. Probably the booze slowing the cook’s thoughts. Sanji leans back, assuming (knowing) Zoro will support his weight. They both know the other will be there to pick up where the first leaves off. He raises both hands to Zoro’s face, looking into his eyes. Sanji has been all goofy smiles tonight but right now, his face is even, concentrating. They don’t usually do this unless they’re fighting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s intense, intimate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zoro doesn’t know if he could produce even speech right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sanji pinches his cheeks. “Fine, but get ready to eat your words with breakfast.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And with that he’s off Zoro’s lap, joining Luffy and Usopp in yelling their favorite sea shanties, arms over shoulders, sloshing beer and juice everywhere. The party had restarted without him noticing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zoro stays where he is, lets his heart settle. He turns back to the table and finishes his drink, letting their little raucous party wash over him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still holds Sanji’s hair back later that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the morning, he enters the galley and is greeted with omurice that says ‘Eat Up Bastard’ with a heart and ketchup lips. He looks at it, rubs his eyes, looks at it again. Looks at Sanji.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pucker up, moss ball.” Sanji says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zoro isn’t sure who pulls the other in first but their lips are colliding and it’s terrible and long overdue. The moment Zoro tries to deepen it, Sanji pushes away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Agh, gross! Your mouth tastes like something crawled in it and died last night how do you live like this?” he says. But he’s smiling and he squeezes Zoro’s hand before returning to the kitchenette.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Finally!” Nami exclaims, putting her book down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They weren’t dating?” Chopper asks right before Luffy steals half his breakfast from his plate.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can't believe I forgot you Vivi I'm so sorry. Edited to include her at the party!<br/>Also I do art too which y'all can find <a href="https://chikabika.tumblr.com/tagged/stoat+draws">here!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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